WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
