i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
