Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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