i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
