dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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