I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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