I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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