it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize