i would punch a child for taco bell
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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