Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
