I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
