she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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