you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
