I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize