Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
