he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
