drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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