I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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