So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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