i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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