he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
