my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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