she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i don't like sucking hair
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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