Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
