p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
