he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
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Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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