i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
