im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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