proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
