guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
