So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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