I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
