Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
