they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
