do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
