My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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