a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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