oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
