If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
