When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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