never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
