Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
