her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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