I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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