I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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