I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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