can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
