I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
