yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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