Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
