when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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