I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
