The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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