I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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