Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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