connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
