i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
