Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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