I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
