So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
