that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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