i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
