i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
