i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
