Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
