Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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