I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize