no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
