you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
