Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
