i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is it penis luge time yet?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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