Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
