Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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