apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
