Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
