Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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