How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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