Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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