ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
