I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
where does the pee come out of this thing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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