Your dad touched me again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have post one night stand depression
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