I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
