it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
