how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
