He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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