She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
