so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
