How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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